GMS week 6

Hey Guys,

God has placed me in an interesting predicament, but once that is necessary for me to continue on in my sanctification process. God has shown me that I do not fully believe that Ephesians 2:8-9 is true.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast."

Being raised in the church that I was raised in, the ICC, I have developed a highly works based salvation. I was in this church up until the age of 13.

Brief synopsis on the ICC (International Churches of Christ) - A cultic "church" organization where there was no grace and all of your salvation was based upon how much you did, how many people you evangelized to, how much money you tithed, etc. There is obviously more to be said but I believe this description will suffice. Dad, if I have misspoken please alert me to my error.

It is only lately that I have been shown that I have been really living in this fashion. I have been shown that I have never, at least consciously, required God's grace to be laid upon me. I have always been able to sufficiently avoid sin. I have taught myself all the correct biblical things to do. Pray, give glory to God, encourage and love others, the list of Gods commands goes on. But the truth is this:

Isaiah 64:6
All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

These righteous acts mean nothing, they are actually less than that. The words "filthy rags" actually translate for rags used for womens mensuration cycles. My apologies for the graphicness, but it is in that imagine that I believe I am able to gain a glimpse of how God views my actions.

I am therefore in a strange positions because in everything I DO I earn my own salvation, the way I read the bible, the way I socialize, even the way I pray. So I can DO nothing in order to change my view of my "good works." Not saying that the things that I do are bad in and of them selves but the backing for these actions is flawed. God must do this for me. He must change my heart.

Overview of the week:
Currently in Boston, don't think I could ever live inside of a big city. Just watched the redsocks dominated the orioles at fenway park. This was unfortunate for my roommate because the orioles are his favorite team. The past weeks thoughts have mostly been consumed by the contents of this email, besides that nothing to exciting except I worked everyday last week. I hope I will have a day off this week so I can get some good time with God. my roommate takes off for Turkey on Thursday. This is a big bummer to have him gone for the last 2 weeks of the program.

Prayer:
- God to be doing business upon my heart and change it in the way he needs to.
- I will be filled with God's joy despite what is going on in my life. (That Philippians 4:4 will be true)
- To find another male confidant for the last two weeks because of my room mates absence.
- That this will not be a mountain top experience.
- I would be able to love others despite my rather internal mood.
- I would be able to share the gospel with my co-worker before I leave.

Thanks
Jon

PS My apologies for length and possible negative attitude with in this email. I am currently in the thick of what I foresee to be a large change in the way I do business, but this time is hard.